


Hurdles

by wrongnote



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Limbs, Post-Canon, War, What's new, a highkey whoops baby, major yikes, there's also a baby whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 03:52:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12903420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrongnote/pseuds/wrongnote
Summary: Fairness is never easy to come across. When Edward gets drafted into war, Winry knows that they're going to be jumping hurdles for the rest of their lives. Post-Canon Brotherhood. Edwin.





	Hurdles

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old fic from Edwin week for the prompt "Letter." (I'm just now uploading everything to ao3 yikes)

She found him on the couch with his head in his hands. His new jacket was draped over the armrest and a hastily ripped envelope lay at his side.

"Ed?" Winry asked. "What's wrong?" He only shook his head, burying it deeper into his arms.

"You know you're going to have to tell me eventually. Am I just going to have to read this myself?" Winry reached out to snatch the envelope before her arm was seized midair in his grasp.

"I got conscripted." Edward's voice was low, with a tone she had only heard a handful of times.

"What?"

"The military… they're making me fight in the Drachman War. On the front lines."

Winry stared, taken aback, with her mind unable to catch up to her mouth.

"But… the front lines are only supposed to be-"

"State Alchemists. I know," Ed sighed, refusing to make eye contact.

It was supposed to be a good day. A fantastic one, really. The sun was beaming and it was only noon, the perfect day for a picnic. Maybe a nice stroll, or a swim in the river.

And now it was ruined, all because of one letter.

"How could they expect you to do that when you're not even an alchemist anymore? Can't you just-"

"It's government mandated...they aren't giving me a choice! They're just… forcing me to do it without giving a damn! What should it matter to them, right? It's not like they need me, so why should they care about throwing someone away to just _DIE?!_ " Edward stood up from the couch and started pacing, fists clenched with anger.

"Ed… you can't just give up." Winry grabbed Ed's arm and halted his pacing, her own face replicating the anger radiating off of him. "We can still work this out! Why don't you try to talk to Brigadier General Mustang? I'm sure he could find a loophole or something!"

Winry could see the desperation in his face, but it was also mixed with defeat. They both knew that if Edward went to the front lines, he would most likely die. Without his alchemy, he was just another soldier, another pawn in a war far bigger than he was.

"All of these orders are from the Fuhrer himself. There's no way that Mustang could do anything, especially since he was ordered there too." He fell back into the couch and sighed, with Winry following his actions.

"So that's it then?" Winry couldn't fathom how everything was ending so quickly. She knew she was still in denial, and that the reality of the situation would crash into her like a train once it happened. Still, she would keep trying to find a way out. She couldn't stand to watch Edward be shoved into danger only a few years after he had returned home. Maybe it was selfish, but she cursed the Fuhrer himself for the cruelty of the draft, the war, everything. She just wanted the Elrics to be safe from the military with a warm bed to sleep in and an apple pie in the oven. Was that so much to ask for?

She reached out and grabbed his hand that lay limply over the cushions.

"It's going to be okay. We'll make it through this." She tried to wipe away the tears that started forming, but they came too quickly. Nothing was fair, not for this family. With every good thing that happened, it was shortly followed by a problem far worse. That's just how the Elrics were, whether they could control it or not.

"I'm so sorry Win," he let his head fall on her shoulder, something the two often did nowadays. "I don't know why the hell I ever thought this would work out, something always comes along. You don't deserve this… I'm sorry."

"Don't start this again Ed, you do it every time something beyond your control happens."

"Because it's true! I've made you sit around waiting for most of your life and now I'm doing it again! I don't want to be like _him!"_ Edward's voice hitched and he sat up, looking at the ground. "I'm doing exactly what he did, I'm just _leaving_ you! How is that fair? How is any of this fair to you? Why the fuck do you keep waiting when there's plenty of other guys who could actually be there for you?"

"Because I love you Ed, you know this already." Tears still spilled over her cheeks, but she was determined to make a point. "I always have, and no amount of tribulations will ever change that. W-whether you come home or not, I'll be here for you. Don't you dare think I'd ever leave you for someone else because of something as trivial as that."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Edward gave a weak smile, lying down again while she stroked his hair.

* * *

 

A week had passed and they had one day before Edward would leave that night, possibly for years, possibly forever. They had tried to ignore the topic of war throughout the past week, Winry knew that Ed had thought he'd never have to face it. It was true, one ordinary soldier could never stand against a platoon of alchemists. It just wasn't possible.

Ed had spoken with Brigadier General Mustang, but he confirmed that there was nothing he could do. The Fuhrer still believed that Edward had the potential of an alchemist, whether he could actually perform it or not. Winry hated the old man with everything she had.

Alphonse was safe from the war, but Winry could hear his tears through the phone. He knew what would probably happen as well, and was forced to say his goodbyes from another country. It just wasn't fair.

They were supposed to get married, they were supposed to have kids, and now all of their dreams were torn apart by war. A stupid goddamn war that would end in nothing but bloodshed, just like the one that had taken her parents away. War would take everyone she loved; it wasn't fair, it never was.

Edward's suitcase was packed and he still had a smile on his face, that idiot. Winry knew what he was doing, it was what he always did. He locked up his feelings in the innermost vault of his mind, covering it up with a false bravado of happiness and confidence.

There was an hour left, which seemed like a painfully short interval of time.

Ed was ready to leave and was sitting beside Winry on the porch, watching the stars twinkle with beauty.

"I'm not going to die, Winry." He broke the silence with such an abrupt statement that it took Winry a moment to register it. "That would just be giving up, wouldn't it?" Ed chuckled. "It'd be stupid to not try, so I'll fight with all I've got. For you." He looked at her and smiled. "We've gotten this far, haven't we? I can't just let it end here. Not yet."

This was the Edward she knew. The one who somehow found optimism in the most hopeless of situations. Who was blinded by his own desire to survive and protect those he cared about. It concerned her a bit, the fact that his only motivation for staying alive was those around him. Winry worried about what would happen if he didn't have those loved ones to anchor him. She didn't want to think about it.

"Of course you won't," she replied, meeting his gaze. "I wouldn't believe it if you did."

Edward stood up and brushed the dirt from his pants while Winry followed.

"I'll be home before you know it, just try not to worry too much while I'm gone." He pulled her into a warm hug, and she felt his strong arms envelop her.

"I won't have to, you should be more worried about my wrench when you get home." She smiled, hugging him just as tight while she let their foreheads meet.

Winry pretended not to notice as she felt his arms tremble. He was afraid, they both were, and they were covering it up with the illusion of a safe return.

His eyes tried to reassure her, they read that this trip wouldn't last longer than a year tops. As the tips of his trembling fingers delicately curled around hers, pulling her in closer, she felt that reassurance crumble. Being this close, she could feel his heart beating rapidly, his breath hitching subtly, but she never stopped staring into that misleading but comforting gaze.

The weight shifted to the balls of her feet, extending herself upwards to meet him. The spark from the first time they kissed may have dulled, but the warmth, the affection, the love was always there. Her own heart began to match his. The moment seemed to last forever, with time stopped at the instant their lips met. Her brow pinched at the thought that tomorrow she wouldn't have this luxury again. His hand brushed her cheek and she leaned into it, trying to bring him as much comfort as she could in those last moments.

It was sloppy and desperate, like a final reach to show one another how deep their love resonated. Their hearts were bleeding out and the merciless passage of time showed no remorse.

Edward slowly pulled away, breathing heavily as he did with a pained expression gracing his face.

"I have to go, I'm sorry."

Winry nodded but still grasped his hand in hers, unwilling to break the last link holding them together.

"Be safe, I love you." She wiped her eyes and inhaled deeply. Her eyes burned from the tears - she wouldn't weep, not yet. She had to be strong for him, or else he'd just be more unwilling to leave. A tear betrayed her and it streamed down her face. He silently acknowledged it with a thumb caressing it away from her cheekbone.

"I love you too Win." He brought a sleeve to his eyes nonchalantly, turning away before she would see. With his back turned, she wouldn't see the pain in his tears, it wouldn't be the last image he left with her.

Winry watched as he waved behind him, just like he always had. A back in the distance reminiscent of the last time she ever saw her parents. It wasn't fair that she had to watch him go.

* * *

 

It didn't take long for Winry to realize she was pregnant. She had sobbed for two days straight, because of _course_ this had happened. She had yet to be graced with fairness.

Isolated and alone, it was as if she were fighting her own war. A vehement battle of emotions, demanding she keep her strength so as not to wither away. Winry would manage, her determination overpowered her infrequent fragility, and she would keep fighting whether she had support or not. She had to.

Labor had been arduous, but Winry pushed through thanks to the help of the local doctor, Mei, and Alphonse. All had given her support and she was thankful, but it was lacking and they knew it.

Benjamin Edward Elric lay in her arms, silent and observing, taking in all of his new surroundings. He had Ed's eyes, golden like the sun and brimming with intelligence. She knew she was supposed to be overjoyed, and she was, but the agony of being a single mother loomed overhead like a thundercloud that refused to fade away.

A year had passed since Ben had come into the world, and there was still no word from Edward. Winry was no longer surprised, and hadn't checked her mailbox for news as often as she had before. Two years was perfectly normal for a war, and if she hadn't gotten a death certificate yet, surely he was okay. She just had to keep reminding herself of it, that was all.

Al and Mei had returned to Xing, but she still wasn't alone, not really. Ben was everything that Ed had been as a child. He was stubborn and quick-tempered, but Winry could tell he would have the same undying loyalty and protectiveness that his father held. It wasn't fair that he'd have to grow up without it, to be raised by one instead of two.

If there was anything Winry didn't want, it was for Ben to have a childhood that was in any way similar to hers or Edward's. She tried not to think about how parts were already repeating themselves; an absent father was a large factor in Trisha's death. Winry hoped she wouldn't befall the same fate.

She stood on the train platform, eagerly peeking above the heads of countless wives and husbands, siblings and friends, and those just awaiting the soldiers' arrival. The war was over, and after three years of ruthless battle, loved ones would finally reunite again. That is, the ones who had survived.

Winry still hadn't heard from Edward, or Mustang for that matter. Her heart was in her throat as she stared at the tracks, as if willing the train to appear quicker. Ben, now two, grasped her fingers with his petite hand, reminding her of what she would still have if her fiancé didn't return. She'd like to have believed that she had accepted every outcome, but it wasn't the truth. That would've been too fair, after all.

At last, the swarm of anxious families rushed to the standstill train, jostling Winry along the way. She followed at a slower pace with her son, but her heart pumped at an immeasurable rate. Her breathing was quick and ragged as she scanned every car, watching as couples kissed and hugged. Oh how she wished that was her in the moment.

The crowd thinned, but still she waited. She commended herself for her patience, because surely she'd've rushed on that train herself if she had none.

At long last, she saw him. He was barely recognizable, a shell of his old self, but the first feature her eyes caught was his face. The dark circles beneath his eyes were apparent and he had a chin adorned with stubble. He had the eyes of a killer.

It had seemed usual at first, the empty sleeve, until it registered in Winry's mind that he had two arms of flesh when he departed. The left one was gone, and she knew his recklessness had been in play with that injury. She didn't mind, because he was back; after years of waiting, he was finally _home._ They would deal with the pain and misery later, but for now, his return was all that mattered.

She sprinted towards him as fast as her legs and son would let her, watching as his eyes caught hers and he limped forward with haste. They met and he threw his arm around her as she did the same. Both let out the tears they had been holding in for years, succumbing to the relief their hearts gave them.

"I missed you," he breathed, holding tight in their embrace as if he would never be able to again.

"You're home now, you're safe." Winry needed to hear those words just as much as he did. It was refreshing, knowing that her thoughts finally had truth in them. She had denied fate for ages, refusing to believe her suspicions that all hope was lost. Feeling the weight of his body pressed up against hers, she could sense the warmth growing inside of her. It was as if something within sparked back to life, reviving her in a way only miracles could.

His presence was a comfort to her, and the blackness fogging her mind shifted into sunlight. The cloud that loomed above her dissipated, leaving newfound hope in its wake.

Time had escaped her and he pulled away, eyes straying downwards to Ben, whom he hadn't noticed in their frantic reunion.

"He's yours." She answered the question before he asked it, watching as his eyes grew wide with shock and guilt. Winry knew what he was thinking. He was inwardly attacking himself at the fact that he had copied the actions of his father. The fact that he could feel so guilty over something beyond his control just wasn't fair. Ed always found every opportunity he could to blame himself.

"No…" his hand covered his mouth and he sunk to his knees, taking in every detail of his son's features.

"I am Ben! What your name?" His eyes sparkled and shone with innocence, holding no awareness as to what was really happening. Edward pulled Ben into a hug and stroked his hair, causing a spot of wetness to materialize on his shoulder.

"I'm… I'm your daddy, Ben. I'm here…" Ed grinned and Winry noticed how it looked like the first time he had in three years. He bent down and placed his lips on his son's scalp. "I love you so, so much." Ed was crying tears of joy now, and Winry felt at peace for the first time since they kissed, those oh so many years ago.

* * *

 

Life at home was difficult, but doable. Ed was slowly becoming more like his old self, and took every chance he could to dote on his son. They played games of alchemists and dragons and didn't drink their milk, a trait Winry wished hadn't passed on. She saw the way Ed's expression grew brighter every time he hugged Ben, but she also noticed the self-loathing present in his eyes. She knew he was trying to make up for years he missed, and she wished he wouldn't. It wasn't his fault, after all.

Beyond the delicate bonds the two seemed to share on the surface, there was apprehension. They both noticed how Ben would play for minutes at a time, proceeding to shy away and rejoin his mother. It wasn't unusual by any means, in fact, Winry had expected it. He had grown up with only a mother after all, so naturally the presence of another adult was frightening.

That wasn't where the pain festered, though. No, it was the way Ben had responded to his own father, utterly refusing to believe his own blood relation.

"This is your daddy, Ben," Winry had stressed. This was the fifth reminder in only a few days, and she was beginning to grow worried. "Say it with me now, _daddy."_

Ben hid behind her dress and briskly shook his head, clutching the fabric with his tiny fingers. Edward was giving an encouraging smile, assuring that his outstretched arm was welcoming and familial.

Ben took a wary step back and whipped his head from side to side once more. "No. Scary."

Winry watched as Ed's face fell, not because of Ben's words, but from the self-condemnation consuming his very being.

They would try again later.

Aside from the psychological troubles, Edward had demanded he receive automail as soon as possible. Winry had needed to replace his entire left arm just as she had with his right. It was funny, in a way. All she had to do was reverse the old blueprints, and they all matched up. Two events had ruined his life as well as rebuilt it, each taking an arm with them as a constant reminder. It was cruel, and it wasn't fair, but that's just how the Elrics were.

He had nightmares too, and plenty of them. Winry remembered his first week back vividly, and a particular night stuck out even more.

Edward had woken up screaming. It wasn't the first time, far from it in fact. His face glistened with sweat and his eyes shone with the horrors of war, gleaming with the ghosts of those killed by his hand. Things were different now, though. Instead of brushing her off and going back to sleep, Ed welcomed her help. He needed it, they both did.

There was another striking difference as well, and that was the other pair of ears in the house. While Ed buried his face in her shoulder, expressing words not spoken, they heard a soft pattering of feet from the doorway.

"Is Daddy okay?" Ben clutched his favorite red blanket, a remnant from Ed's old coat, and shuffled up to the bed, worry in his eyes.

"He is now," Ed put on a brave face, lifting the toddler into his arms and holding him close. Ben had done it. He had acknowledged Edward, latching onto him with more admiration than ever before. Winry beamed at the image. Perhaps a moment of weakness was all it took for one to realize their humanity.

It was nights like those that reminded her of why they faced their challenges head on, why they remained as strong as they were.

Yes, things never seemed to be fair for the Elric-Rockbells, but they had learned to accept it. Life didn't spare its misery in their consideration, and they didn't expect it to. No, they had something that would equal out the pain, something that would drive them and keep them moving forward.

They had each other, and in the end, it was all that mattered.


End file.
